Writing Romance as an Asexual Author

Romance is one of the most popular genres in literature, yet it often feels like a space designed for those who experience attraction in traditional ways. As an asexual author, writing romance can feel like navigating a world that doesn’t always reflect your own experiences or desires. I want to share my journey of writing romance while embracing asexuality, and how this perspective can enrich stories and characters in meaningful ways.

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Understanding Asexuality in Romance Writing

Asexuality means different things to different people, but at its core, it involves experiencing little or no sexual attraction. This does not mean a lack of interest in relationships or intimacy. Many asexual people enjoy deep emotional connections, romantic relationships, and companionship without the sexual component.

When I started writing romance, I realized that many books focus heavily on sexual tension and physical attraction. For me, this felt limiting. I wanted to explore romance that highlights emotional intimacy, trust, and connection without relying on sexual desire. This approach opens up new possibilities for characters and stories that resonate with readers who might feel unseen in mainstream romance.

Creating Authentic Characters

One of the most rewarding parts of writing romance as an asexual author is crafting characters who reflect diverse experiences of love. Here are some ways I approach character development:

• Focus on emotional bonds

Instead of centering the story on physical attraction, I explore how characters build trust, share vulnerabilities, and support each other. This can create powerful romantic arcs that feel genuine and relatable.

• Include asexual or aromantic characters

Representation matters. Including characters who identify as asexual or aromantic helps normalize these identities and provides readers with fresh perspectives on relationships.

• Avoid stereotypes

Asexual characters are often portrayed as cold, uninterested, or broken. I work to show them as complex individuals with desires and needs that go beyond sexual attraction.

For example, in one of my books, the main couple shares a deep romantic connection but chooses to express their love through shared experiences, meaningful conversations, and acts of kindness rather than physical intimacy. This story received positive feedback from readers who appreciated seeing romance portrayed in a way that felt authentic to their own lives.

Navigating Expectations in the Romance Genre

The romance genre has certain expectations, such as the presence of sexual tension or explicit scenes. As an asexual author, I sometimes face pressure to conform to these norms to appeal to a wider audience. Here’s how I handle that:

• Set clear boundaries for your story

Decide early on what kind of romance you want to write. If you prefer to avoid explicit content, make that a deliberate choice and communicate it to your readers.

• Find your niche

There is a growing audience for diverse romance stories, including those that focus on emotional intimacy or feature LGBTQ+ characters with varied experiences of attraction. Connecting with these readers can be rewarding.

• Use sensitivity readers

If you include characters with identities different from your own, sensitivity readers can help ensure respectful and accurate representation.

Writing romance as an asexual author means balancing your authentic voice with genre expectations. It’s a challenge, but it also allows you to bring something new and valuable to the table.

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Embracing LGBTQ+ Themes and Diversity

Romance stories benefit greatly from diversity in characters and relationships. As an asexual author, I often include LGBTQ+ themes because they reflect the spectrum of human experience beyond traditional norms.

• Highlight different kinds of love

Romantic love is not one-size-fits-all. Including queer characters, asexual characters, and those with different relationship styles enriches the narrative.

• Challenge stereotypes

LGBTQ+ characters are sometimes pigeonholed into specific roles or storylines. Writing from an asexual perspective helps challenge these tropes and expand representation.

• Build community through stories

Books that reflect diverse identities help readers feel seen and understood. They also educate others about the variety of ways people experience love.

For example, one of my stories features a queer asexual protagonist navigating a new relationship. The focus is on communication, consent, and emotional connection, which resonated with many readers in the LGBTQ+ community.

Practical Tips for Writers Exploring Romance as Asexual Authors

If you are an asexual writer interested in romance, here are some practical tips to guide your process:

• Write what feels true to you

Your perspective is valuable. Don’t feel pressured to include elements that don’t resonate with your experience.

• Research and listen

Read widely within and outside the romance genre. Listen to voices from the asexual and LGBTQ+ communities to deepen your understanding.

• Experiment with different types of intimacy

Romance can include intellectual, emotional, and platonic intimacy. Explore these dimensions to create rich relationships.

• Be clear with your audience

Use blurbs and tags to signal the type of romance your book contains. This helps readers find stories that match their preferences.

• Connect with other writers

Join writing groups or forums focused on asexuality or LGBTQ+ themes. Sharing experiences and advice can be inspiring and supportive.

The Impact of Writing Romance as an Asexual Author

Writing romance from an asexual perspective has changed how I see love and storytelling. It has helped me:

• Expand the definition of romance

Romance is not just about physical attraction but about connection, respect, and understanding.

• Create more inclusive stories

Including asexual and LGBTQ+ characters makes books more welcoming to diverse readers.

• Challenge norms in the genre

By writing differently, I contribute to a broader conversation about what romance can be.

• Build empathy

Readers who may not know much about asexuality gain insight through stories that feel real and heartfelt.

A cozy reading nook with a wooden table adorned with delicate white flowers, set against a backdrop of a well-stocked bookshelf.

Writing romance as an asexual author is not just about telling stories. It’s about creating space for voices that have been underrepresented and showing that love can take many forms. Whether you are a reader, writer, or someone exploring your own identity, I hope this perspective encourages you to embrace the full spectrum of romance.

Stacey Lannigan

Author of Fantasy & Folklore Fiction for YA & NA Readers

@authorStaceyLanniganvv